AGE IS A WONDERFUL THING AND SO IS LAUGHTER

ROMANCE

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my Neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

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SUPERSEXX

A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “Supersexx.”

She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, “Supersexx.”

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll take the soup.”
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DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have relations with me tonight!”

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?”

Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”

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OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me…,,,,,,, I know we’ve been friends for a long time but I just can’t think of your name.

I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said,

“How soon do you need to Know?”

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SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, ” Vernon , I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!”

“Wow,” said Vernon , “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

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DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.” After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again.

Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!”

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh! Am I driving?”

I am a Seenager

Seenager

I just discovered my age group!

I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50-60 years later.

I don’t have to go to school or work

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own pad.

I don’t have a curfew.

I have a driver’s license and my own car.

I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store. I like the wine store best.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?

And I don’t have acne.

Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.

People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.

Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.

It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.

SO THERE!!

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names!

A Test For Those Of Us Over 50

About Me

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DON’T LOOK BELOW FOR THE ANSWERS UNTIL YOU HAVE TRIED TO FIGURE IT OUT.   

1. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, “Who was that masked man?” Invariably, someone would answer, I don’t know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind? ________________.  

2. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964, we all watched them on The ____ ___________ Show.

 

3. ‘Get your kicks, __ _________ _______.’

 

4. The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to _____ _ _____.’

5. ‘In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ____ ____ ____ ____.’

 

6. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we ‘danced’ under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the ‘_____.’

7. Nestlé’s makes the very best…. _________.’

8. Satchmo was America ‘s ‘Ambassador of Goodwill.’ Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ______ ___________.

 

9. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______.

  

10. Red Skeleton’s hobo character was named ______ ___ ________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, ‘Good Night, and ‘________ ________’

 

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their ______ _______.

 

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ___ & _______.

  

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, ‘the day the music died.’ This was a tribute to _______ ____________.

 

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called __________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50’s and 60’s was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ______ _____.

16. Remember LS/MFT _____ _____/_____ _____ _____?

 

17. Hey Kids! What time is it? It’s _____ ______ _____!

 

18. Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? Only The _____ Knows!

 

19. There was a song that came out in the 60’s that was “a grave yard smash”. Its name was the ______ ______!

 

20. Alka Seltzer used a “boy with a tablet on his head” as its Logo/Representative. What was the boy’s name? ________     

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ANSWERS: 1.The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. 2. The Ed Sullivan Show 3. On Route 66 4.To protect the innocent. 5.The Lion Sleeps Tonight  6. The limbo  7. Chocolate  8. Louis Armstrong  9. The Timex watch  10. Freddy, The Freeloader and ‘Good Night and God Bless.’ 11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)  12. Beetle or Bug  13. Buddy Holly  14. Sputnik  15. Hoola-hoop  16. Lucky Strike/Means Fine Tobacco  17. Howdy Doody Time  18. Shadow  19. Monster Mash  20. Speedy

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